On Being Three and a Half Feet Tall

Earlier today, I had moved all of the dining room chairs into the kitchen to sweep and mop. I left them there while we shoveled/played in the snow. When we came inside, Nate was standing on one of the chairs in the kitchen while I was making hot chocolate for us. Said with pure astonishment--

"That's what the inside of the microwave looks like?!"

Pooperman

The other day when Nate was getting dressed with Alan, Alan said that since Nate was wearing Superman underwear, he should be sure to not have any accidents. Nate responded, "Yeah, cause then they'd be Pooperman underpants."

Clever, Nate. Clever.

Obsessive Thoughts in a 3-year-old

"Brain!! (Pause) Stop thinking about Santa!!" --Abbie

The Dog's Balls

"Bogie's balls are coming tomorrow!" -My mom (Their dog is named Bogie)
"His balls?" -Me
"Yeah--We ordered them from Cajones 'R Us." -My dad

She was actually talking about a bouncy ball for him to play with.

Old Quotes

First thing in the morning, Abbie came to me. This is all she said: "I was just...farting...in my bed."

"So Nate...Let's talk about our faces." --Abbie

"I love you so much it's retarded." --Seth Meyers in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

"Abbie can sleep on the top bunk when it's raining." --Nate
"Why when it's raining?" --Alan
"If there's a hole in the ceiling..." --Nate

Hey Abbie, did you know that I have a bed made for two?" --Jacob Senior

"Abbie, let's go down to our room and turn the light off and look at my underwear!" --Jacob Senior
"His underwear glow in the dark." --Melissa (mom) Senior

"Sometimes we eat chicken, and sometimes we just leave them alone." --Nate "And sometimes we put chickens on your face!" --Abbie

"Is she a butter face? A what? A butter face. Everything's nice but her face." --Michelle

"Let's try to keep it wholesome here, girls." --Melissa

"I was born a pig!?!" --Nate (after asking the Magic 8 Ball if he was born a pig and it answering yes)

"Abbie, please don't play with the door. How many times do I have to tell you that? --Me
"Like 43." --Abbie

"Lick it or Ticket." --Andrea

"What about Shit County?" --Nate as he and Abbie were making up different county names in WI. (It was a made-up word, I hope.)

"Open your crotch." --Abbie to me as she was trying to pry my legs apart

"You are a pussyhead." --Nate to Alan (No, we don't use that word and we don't know where he got it from)

"You're voting for Obama!" --Nate to Abbie
"Your body is so bama!" --Abbie

"I'm wet! --Abbie
"Where are you wet?" --Alan
"My penis." --Abbie

"Dude, what's your deal?!" --Nate

"I farted up the storm!" --Abbie

"Mommy, when are we getting a new baby?" --Abbie

"When you were a baby, songs were written about your poops, they were so big."--Alan to Nate

"My lovely lady bum." (To the tune of that horrible Hump or Lump or whatever it is song) --Abbie

"The rat of God?" --Nate (wrath)